A long time has passed since my last post. So much has happened in the last 6 months, leading me to neglect some of the projects I enjoy doing. I've grown wiser, gained new insights, and established new goals.
Lately I've been directing my energy towards feeling good - inside and out. As a Libra, I tend to balance things, trying to make perfect sense out of everything. I continuously look for good in every bad that exists or breathes and subconsciously form attachments, whether I intend to or not. Caring unconditionally for others has caused me more sorrow than happiness. It brings with itself much worry, speculation, judgment, tension - all things unnecessary. Over time I have become more cautious of potential pain and built a wall for protection. This invisible wall doesn't mean I block everything and everyone out of my life, on the contrary, it represents my intention to spend more time attending to my own needs first. Let's face it -- life is short, too short. Sooner or later, we are going to regret not achieving some things or not spending enough quality time with the people we love. I don't want to have any more regrets. There are new priorities now.
Being 28, almost 29, and pushing on 30, it is time I made some key decisions about where I want my life to take me. A recent trip to Serbia opened my eyes in the family arena. Spending time with my brother-in-law's baby has awakened a motherly instinct in me and reminded me how much love I still have to give. I can't wait to feel my own baby's soft skin, the curled fingers wrapped around my own, the smell so distinct that only babies have, and to give life! I cannot imagine anything more exciting in life than that.
It is time for the party persona to shy away from stage and give light to a more responsible individual. As one chapter ends, a new one begins...
"You're alive. Do something. The directive in life, the moral imperative was so uncomplicated. It could be expressed in single words, not complete sentences. It sounded like this: Look. Listen. Choose. Act."
- Barbara Hall, A Summons to New Orleans, 2000
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you're at the next stage of your life. you've come a long way. there will always be challanges but having a baby is all worth it.
ReplyDeleteThis is what I always ask myself: Are you sure you are not trying to fill a gap? Perhaps you are in denial of a love you had to deprive yourself of and believe that this new living thing may still keep that wonderful feeling alive?
ReplyDeleteWell, I am sure your reasons are different...just a thought....